Sometimes we forget everyone is different and not everyone is going to connect with you how you imagine.
In my overeagerness to build community and to find my tribe, I may have burned a bridge or two. Inadvertently, I failed to see boundaries , red flags, and I ignored my instincts.
This is the complexity of my journey to heal from trauma, negative experiences, unlearn and relearn healthier coping mechanism and behaviors etc.
I have learned that isolating when going through difficult times is not healthy and I have also learned that you can’t expect more than what people are willing to give. I want to learn how to meet people where they are…
I have learned that I can trust my instincts again because every time I have ignored them, I got burned…
I have learned that my view of community, collaboration, friendship is my own and it may differ from others.
I have learned to forgive myself when I make mistakes because I am human and I come from a loving place.
I have learned that I can leave my door open, but I can’t expect anyone to walk through it and that’s ok.
I know my journey to live a healthier life, surrounded by amazing individuals is worth the fight…no turning back to that dark place of solitude I used to call home.
The moment when everything starts making sense. I had that moment tonight. I had a great conversation with three powerful woman and I left feeling empowered. Empowered because they felt safe enough to share their stories with me and that’s a privilege to be a part of. You cannot just make space and take this information, you have to honor it and honor them. It’s hard to explain how it feels. My hands became shaky and my breath was shallow right before I saw the light haha…. It was a combination of:
ANGER: The fact that you didn’t realize your purpose sooner really pisses you off. I mean what a time saver that would have been. Should’ve…could’ve…would’ve!!! I’m happy now!
RELIEF: Once the anger subsides and you start breathing again–OH MAN!!! It felt so good. Your eyes are finally wide open. Life becomes appealing again and you can finally say you are WOKE! Enlightenment!!! The awakening!!! “I can see clearly now the rain is gone…” (Johnny Nash) LOL
I hope this never ends, I’m committed to be a student for life and be willing to listen, empower others, and speak up.
NO MORE… …holding back. …feeling like I am not enough. …avoiding plans just to make sure I’m available. …allowing others to define my importance. …NO MORE being in a place the makes me feel like I’m not good enough or where I feel invisible. TIME TO SAY… …I’m important. …I’m a good person and those who are worth keeping in my life will value who I am. …it’s okay to be alone. …it’s okay to be scared.
…it’s okay to slip up as long as you get back up and try again. …it’s never too late to learn how to live a better life.